Edited by Jisselle Regis
Why kids refuse healthy foods?
Picky eating solutions that really worked!
Make it Easier on Yourself!
Every parent deals with kids who refuse foods. Some just more than others.
Especially when you choose or have no choice but to be on a restricted diet. I can’t simply toss a Happy Meal to them or a hot dog or a bag of goldfish crackers and a can of Sprite anymore.
I don’t really like that term… “picky eater”, it sounds more final than it is. It suggests that there isn’t much we can do about it, as if the child has freckles or hazel eyes. It enables us to lower our expectations for our children’s choices and then we stop offering them new foods because “He will never eat it! Why even bother!”
It is encoded in us to please our offspring, to make them happy, so if our little ones do not like the food we feed them, if they make a face or God forbid have a gagging reaction – it is a huge stress on us which embeds fear, which then makes it hard for us to try again, so we tend to avoid similar situations by offering them better-tasting foods and “safe” backups we know they’ll go for.
We, the parents, for whatever reason, have these prejudiced notions that kids don’t like “this and that” – spinach and broccoli, spicy and strong flavors… so we project that onto them by not even trying, or offering once and if they refuse, never offer again.
But research shows that it takes at least 8 exposures to a food for kids to accept it as familiar. So, there is nothing wrong with being a persistent little bugger here!
I think it is us we have to change first in order to help our kids.
Everything that people believe they like, they had to learn to like. And just like we were taught to like or desire things that may not be healthy for us we can learn to like things that are good for us.
It is hard because the structure of our society is revolving around romanticizing food. Food is associated with great taste and good times – family gatherings, Holidays, traveling, picnics, friend meetups…
Everything is revolving around food! Everything! Directly or indirectly!
for preferences of sweet and salty foods over sour and bitter. "The early flavor experience of formula-fed infants is markedly different from that of breast-fed infants. Exclusively formula-fed children do not benefit from the ever-changing flavor profile of breast milk. Their flavor experience is more monotone and lacks the flavors of the foods of the mother’s diet."
All my kids were born via a C-section and formula fed. So we didn’t have that advantage of breastfeeding and natural birth gut microbial biodiversity that is a nature’s requirement for the immune system. Additionally, the heavy use of antibiotics and vaccines wiped out everything that was good in their fragile little bodies. So, you see, we had all the predispositions for fussy eating and still came out of it just fine.
more about this in “Early Taste Experiences and Later Food Choices”
Picky eating is one of the symptoms of zinc deficiency. Here is my article below:
Zinc is an essential trace element that is vital to literally every organ of our body. Essential means that our body or our gut bacteria cannot produce its own and we must obtain it with Food.
Zinc is an essential trace element that is vital to literally every organ of our body. Essential means that our body or our gut bacteria cannot produce its own and we must obtain it with Food.
Normal sensory processing occurs when the brain receives information from all the senses of the body: the eyes (visual), ears (auditory), through the nose and tongue (olfactory) , the skin (tactile information), the inner ear (vestibular information) and the muscles and joints (proprioceptive information).
The brain then processes (or integrates) that information, decides how the body should respond, and then sends the message for the body to respond appropriately. When the brain can’t process the information it receives from the senses properly, then the child may experience what is referred to as a sensory processing/integration disorder. A SPD can be diagnosed by an occupational therapist, and occupational therapy is usually recommended.
But good news: all these disorders and more, can be helped with a clean, toxin-free diet such as the REID program (Reduced Excitatory Inflammatory Diet)
Read real parents testimonials on Nourished Blessings Blog.
These books address feeding therapies, feeding tubes, and speech-language pathologist protocols:
Helping Your Child With Extreme Picky Eating – A Step-by-Step Guide for Overcoming Selective Eating, Food Aversion, and Feeding Disorders
by Katja Rowell MD (Author), Jenny McGlothlin MS CCC-SLP (Author), Dr. Suzanne Evans Morris PhD
Raising a Happy, Healthy Eater – A Parent’s Handbook: A Stage-by-Stage Guide to Setting Your Child on the Path to Adventurous Eating
by Nimali Fernando MD MPH (Author), Melanie Potock MA CCC-SLP (Author), Dr. Roshini Raj
Okay, this was the “why”, let’s start with the “how”.
There is a lot of books and articles out there about overcoming food pickiness:
“Conquer Picky Eating for Teens and Adults”
“Helping Your Child With Extreme Picky Eating”
“Getting to Yum: The 7 Secrets of Raising Eager Eaters”…
and you can check them out if you want, but let me save you some time, because they all say the same thing:
Whilst I have never resorted to shaming or punishing my kids, I made all the other “mistakes” we are advised not to do. Because of how truly SAD our diet was, I had to get over that hump and make the change, as I began to realize how toxic some foods are I just couldn’t continue feeding them to my kids.
If I followed the scripts from the books, I would probably still be trailing my kids with a spoon, 3 years later, developing adventurous tasters and eager eaters out of them, saying: “Here, taste the brussels sprouts, honey, go on! It tastes SO good! Yum-yum! Taste it!” Yeah, right… The wolf in grandma’s nightgown would be more convincing.
Cool games and proper parenting methods to get them to eat healthy foods are very helpful, but I didn’t have the time, patience or the energy to follow this route consistently all* the time!
No, sometimes I had to put my foot down and say “NO! you cannot have that, because it’s bad for you, and that’s final!”
Someone had to do it, and there was no one else more qualified or even available other than myself. Without the support of the family and friends who, I’m pretty sure, all thought I was crazy, it was all the more difficult, so if you have anyone who understands what you are going through and support you, please, don’t take them for granted!
My old philosophy: “I’d rather feed them something than let them be hungry!”
My new philosophy:
***If you are not willing to eat vegetables when hungry, then this isn’t hunger – it is a craving! and we do not support cravings, no, sir!
***Letting them skip a meal when they want to and be hungry isn’t starving! – It’s Fasting! Fasting is very beneficial!
This is not meant for medically fragile and dangerously underweight kids. If that’s your situation, consult your health care practitioner.
This is the #1 best strategy!
It is easier to say no, if you simply don’t have the pretzel they’re craving, but instead a carrot or an apple is laying around.
Shopping will be challenging at first, but you'll get used to it fast, I promise. Determine what foods you want to avoid in your family's diet and stick to it! No cheat days!
Going cold turkey is really hard for some at first, but you will find your kids' palates open up quite quickly to new foods, once they know you won't budge on what kind of foods are kept in the house.
We don’t keep foods in the house that they cannot eat, and I give no other options other than the meals I cook for them. Your child will eventually eat what you offer. Don't feel bad if they refuse the food you spent hours cooking, let them skip the meal, wrap it up and put it in the fridge until it's time for the next meal! Don't offer a backup, or the vicious cycle will never end and you will find yourself cooking separately for everyone in the house and picky eating will never be resolved!
P.S. I confess that this is work in progress. My husband only just started to realize the importance of diet and we only recently started having the same meals together. Before he would have a pizza or a sandwich for dinner whilst I and the kids and I were having salads! Wasn't that a workout for their craving endurance, wouldn't you say?
Involve them in your shopping, food prep and cooking, talk about where the food comes from... Gardening would be awesome if you have the option, even if it's just a pot with Rosemary and Thyme on your window!
Explain why they cannot eat certain foods, as if you were explaining it to yourself when you were little.
When we started, my dear husband was not on board, he was actively against it. I had to fight for the sole privilege to feed my kids as I see fit. He had his "normal food" shelves in the fridge and in the pantry. I had to explain to the kids why Daddy eats differently in a respectful manner, so that they wouldn't offend anyone eating "normal" diet outside of our house.
They asked often. Over and over. I always took my time to explain.
Eventually my kids accepted this as the new normal, the fact that all people eat differently by choice or because of their health conditions.
Take one food at a time and talk with them about the harmful ingredients, and how it can destroy their body in simple terms, connecting this to how they feel when it does - they will get headaches and itches, their tummy will hurt, they won't be able to sleep...etc.
I told them that as their Mommy, because I love them more than anything in the world, I have responsibilities to feed them only the healthy foods and never the foods that can make them sick, even if they wanted those foods more than anything!
P.S. I think the past 3 years of my boring narrations about the food benefits and toxic ingredients effects has set with my husband too and I didn't even have to force feed him! God's mysterious ways!
Meaning that they have to try a small bite of something they dislike or think they dislike, every time we have it in our meal. Try not to make a big deal or have a negative reaction to a refusal/distaste for foods because this can create a power struggle or fear of food. But a rule is a rule, so don't budge!
Have a positive and truthful attitude and tell them: "I used to hate brussel sprouts but I kept trying them and now I like them,... I do!! What if I would have never tried them again, I would never learn how good they are! I learned that brussel sprouts again, I would have never learnt how good they are! I learned that Brussels Sprouts are super high in antioxidants, protein, potassium, calcium, folate and vitamins: A, C, B6, K! These nutrients fight disease, especially cancer! They make your bones stronger, your brain smarter and help your eyes to see much farther!"
We love this book a lot! This book helped us to cement the rule of trying the foods we don’t like! Did you know there is only 50 different words in this book? 🙂
P.S. we are still working on the brussels sprouts! I wish there was someone there trying to make ME eat them! 😉
When Melania was 2.5 yo and non-verbal, of course I couldn't convince her to eat brussels sprouts by spitting out the list of its benefits! We used a laminated board with velcro and pictures. The "First-then" concept worked great. She knew what to expect and what she needed to do. There were tantrums, yes, but that was to be expected! Essentially this is the main reason you are doing all of this - to get your kid healthy so that she could be reasoned with! Tantrums and other behavioral issues are the symptoms of the an impaired digestive system and brain inflammation. Fix the gut - No more tantrums! That easy, hah?
Yes, hide the veggies, herbs and leafy greens in anywhere possible, until their gut health and their taste sensations are improved. You can try the following ideas:
With my two little ones I had to take a different route than with my oldest son. Daniel was 4 and barely had any language, but instead ODD and ADHD, so he was very hard to reason with. And Melania was 2.5 yo with nonverbal autism, so there was even less chances of reasoning with her. To get them to take their smoothies daily I used a plastic (ugh, yuck, I know) liquid dispenser, a syringe kind of thing.
From time to time we would play a game in which the smoothie was the “Invisibility Potion” and we would pretend that they were invisible after drinking it! It was a lot of fun!!!
Other times we’d use the “First-Then” concept with preferred foods as a reward after the smoothie.
Once my kids realized there was no backing out of the smoothies, things went much more “smoothly” 🙂 It’s no longer a chore, rather it’s just part of their diet. They like to think of smoothies as “fuel for their engines with the good gas”!
There are some different opinions about force feeding and using foods as a reward. I think a lot will depend on the kid and we, the parents have to decide which method is best for them. Some say that rewarding children with food could lead to emotional eating, but I now think that this depends on the foods and your aproach. If you can keep up the good attitude and the entire diet is healthy, then emotions will be as well.
Even if your kid is older, and/or not budging, throwing temper tantrums and hunger strikes... more so you need to continue offering them healthy foods. This is because the kids who put up the most resistance are most in need of a healthy diet!
This is from Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s book, "Disease Proof Your Child":
“Children are not responsible for their poor eating habits. Their parents are…It is not necessary to coax them to eat or eat healthfully. In fact, battling with your child about food is counterproductive. The trick is to adhere to this one most important rule: only permit healthy food in your home. Children will eat whatever is available. They will not starve themselves to death; they adapt easily and learn relatively quickly to like the food that is offered.”
Within 6 months all my kids made amazing progress and chose to eat salads instead of smoothies about 50% of the time. Other times they drank their smoothies with absolutely no complaints. Their palate expanded to trying and liking new foods, and they experienced less and less cravings! And my life got that much easier! So can yours!
For some kids it take less time and for some longer. There are many factors involved, such as:
In those books there is always someone (generally a woman) in the kitchen, cleaning, shopping, meal-planning, cooking, baking, managing leftovers and juggling a million other undetectable to the men’s eye little things and If you don’t especially like to cook or not particularly organized, pressed for time, or all of that combined… these strategies mean a certain amount of work, time and effort to learn.
But it won’t do you or your kids any good if you run yourself down, you need to think about your own stress levels and comfort sometimes, and one way to do it is to get rid of the notion that dinner is the main meal of every day.
There are lots of opportunities to get good food into kids in earlier meals and snacks, so maybe we should all just relax about dinner. My kids sometimes don’t eat dinner, and they are fine. We would have a carpet picnic with a healthy snack and watch a movie or play games, talk about the day or tomorrow and be grateful for what we have!
Some final ideas would be to prepare an easy breakfast for the morning before you go to bed – wash fruits or throw an overnight chia pudding or oats in the fridge and set an herbal tea for an overnight infusion…
I really love this quote, and It really helped me get through! Legend says, King Solomon had it, yes?
by Josh Schneider
“- Mo-om! Can I have something to e-e-eat?
– Sure! Salad or Smoothie?
– Salad!”
That’s the conversation we want to have! But do we?
I do. Most times now. At least in terms of salads and smoothies. We still have lots of work to do in the other foods areas, for example, my oldest son doesn’t like many fruits and veggies, but i think it’s because I started with him much later than with my two little ones and that’s where his residual pickiness comes from.
But the farther we continue the less he refuses and I think overall he is a good eater.
In the end I want them to be able to make the right food choices on their very own.
I want them not to react negatively to the society’s pressure, rather push back with their own opinions and knowledge!
I hope this post helps you if you have a picky eater. If you have any guilt, let go of it – it does not serve you or your kids. My kids aren’t perfect, they too have their moments! They sometimes take forever to eat and they complain, but overall I think they are great! And the most important – they are healthy and they understand the importance of good nutrition, and even able to explain this to people that are not in the know!
I DON’T LIKE THE TERM “picky eater” to describe children. First, it suggests a child is constitutionally incapable of eating a variety of foods – an innate trait no more immutable than having brown eyes or a cleft chin. Second, it implies that a child’s (poor) eating habits are inborn, having nothing to do with his feeding environment. Lastly, labeling kids as “picky eaters” often results in a self-fulfilling prophecy whereby expectations are lowered, new foods are no longer offered and opportunities to expand the veggie repertoire beyond French fries never materialize.
Tamara Duker Freuman
To be sure, some children are absolutely more challenging to feed than others by nature. (My twins have very different attitudes toward new foods and vegetables despite being raised around the same dinner table; I joke that between the two of them, I have one perfect eater.) Still, this doesn’t let us parents off the hook as bearing significant responsibility for facilitating our kids’ abilities to grow into the healthiest, most flexible eaters that their natures will allow.
[Read: You’ll Gladly Die for Your Children; Why Won’t You Cook for Them?]
While you can’t change your child’s natural disposition when it comes to eating, you can change how you approach feeding him or her. In so doing, you may discover that your philosophy of feeding can play a significant role in your child’s success in broadening his or her food horizons.
Old feeding philosophy: “I’d rather he eat SOMETHING than go hungry.”
New feeding philosophy: “By allowing my child to feel hungry, I’m helping him be more successful at mealtime.”
https://health.usnews.com/health-news/blogs/eat-run/2013/11/26/a-fresh-perspective-on-picky-eating
https://www.ot-mom-learning-activities.com/sensory-processing-disorder.html
I thought this song
would fit the topic!
so Just for the fun 🙂
“Don’t want to argue,
I don’t want to debate
Don’t want to hear about
what kinds of foods you hate
You won’t get no dessert
’till you clean off you’re plate
So eat it”
Copyright © 2023 Siberian Cedar Land LLC • All rights reserved
Designed with ❤ by Milla Ezman
2 thoughts on “My kids – My Philosophy. How we got over the picky eating problem.”
Who would of ever thought it would be so difficult and stressful to feed a small child. THANK YOU MILLA for this much needed post, so much wonderful advice. its very encouraging to hear stories like yours in order to encourage us parents to keep pushing forward to help our little ones develop better life long eating habits.
Thanks Nat! I’m glad it helps some! 🙂